I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
