i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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