Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
