omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
