Nicole vs. Life
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
