She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
