Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize