ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You are a genius and a whore.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
