Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
