oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
