Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
