yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
