At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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