i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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