The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
