from now on my penis is your penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
