just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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