is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
