Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
