$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
