my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Randomize
