omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
