none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
