Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize