and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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