I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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