I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
