I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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