How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
