I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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