You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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