I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
