Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
