Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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