Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
