So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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