No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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