I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
