Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
