Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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