At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
