You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
