so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
