I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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