OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Found the puke drawer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize