he puts the penis in happiness.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A bitchslap is in order.
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