Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
