im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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