Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
