Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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