I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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