is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
