please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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