No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
