just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
