he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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