my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
