Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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