I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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