Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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