My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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