the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have aggressive nipples.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My bed smells like the plague
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
