Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
