Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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