guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
