What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
