Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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