Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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