On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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