Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
